Our Baby Story

This week has been so surreal. Its really hard to try and explain just how grateful we are and overcome we are with love and joy.

I got up Tuesday feeling really sad. I was having a moment / day where I felt my patience starting to wear off. I told Tyler that I had had enough and I just wanted this to be over. I even thought to myself to try and not want a baby so bad, then the wait won't be so hard. But as hard as I tried to not want a baby, I wanted one even more. I hope that makes sense. I think we all try to talk ourselves into things or tell ourselves its not that big of a deal, or just keep waiting, etc. Anyways, I went on my lunch break on Tuesday. The ironic thing is is that I wanted to be alone during my lunch break and not go with any friends. I was in the car driving to a park near by my office. I was going to sit alone and just think. My phone rang at 11:30 and it was my social worker. I thought she was calling about something completely different. She has never called me before, so I should have instantly thought "this is going to be good!" She asked how I was doing. I said okay. She asked "are you ready to be a mom?" I said.. "um yeah." And then started crying so hard I could barely talk. She told me a birth mom had a baby Sunday and she had picked us for adoption. I couldn't believe it.

I didn't go back to work. I drove straight home. I called Tyler and he was going to meet me at home and we were going to make the drive to the Houston area. I was frantically getting the carseat, dipaer bag, our luggage put together, and trying to breathe at the same time.

We are staying at my sister's house. I didn't sleep much Tuesday night. I finally fell asleep at 2:30 and woke up at 4:30. Wednesday we met the social worker at the hospital at noon. I was so nervous, I seriously thought I was going to throw up. We were in the waiting room waiting for the social worker to get there. As soon as he got there, all my nerves went away. I don't know why, because nothing was official at this time. He talked with us and then went up to talk with the birth mom for an hour. He came back down and said she was excited to meet Tyler and I. The social worker took us upstairs and as soon as we walked into the room, it was so comfortable. Everything just felt right. The birth mom had her sister with her. They hugged us both. The birth mom expressed to us how she had been looking at profiles and nobody felt right. She saw our profile and we just felt right. Her and her sister both told us that even seeing us in person reassures them that we have it together and our a great couple. It's amazing that new that by just seeing us, we hadn't really had a chance to visit yet. We talked and we gave the birth mom a gift. It's a heart shaped necklace with two hearts linked together. I told her the reason we got this for her was because our hearts would be forever linked and we all share love for this baby. She started to cry and told me I was so generous. When she said that, I thought "what an awesome girl". Here she is placing her child with Tyler and I and making a sacrifice, and here she calls me generous.

We left the room and just like that the papers were signed. We couldn't believe it, everything went so smoothly. We went into the NICU to see Taylor and I of course cried. I think that is a given. Two nurses stood back and were just watching us. All I could do was grab her hand and cry. We were going to name her Kate, but she looks like a Taylor to us.

The birth mom delivered at 33 weeks, the hospital likes to keep babies until they would have delivered at 35 to 36 weeks. So we are here at least through this next week. Taylor's dr told me he doesn't like to pull babies off of things fast, you have to do it slowly. The big tube down her nose is gone, and the tube down her throat is gone. Today they are starting her on formula, which is great! She has just been on vitamins and calories through an iv.

We haven't been able to hold her yet. Yesterday we were there when they took the tube out of her nose. She was crying and I so badly wanted to hold her to calm her down. It was kind of nice that I was still able to comfort her but rubbing her head and give her a pacifier.

Taylor has already taught me so much...and that is what true unconditional love is.

That is all for now.... I think I got everything. Probably not. But that is a good start pointing!